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oh-to-grace said: TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR NON-WEDDING PLANS!!!!11!!!!1!!!!11!!!

eeeeee, ok ok ok. Um, I’ve been thinking about it all a lot lately! idk what you want to know so I’ll just ramble. Um, it’ll be at the very place where I proposed to my baby, in an old pasture, overlooking the sea. We will have a small binding ceremony with light refreshments to follow (meaning: fruit plate, veggie plate, meat & cheese plate, gluten-free finger sandwiches, gluten-free chocolate chip cookies, and lemonade). Aryn and I will be brooms: that is, both brides and grooms. We will have no bridesmaids or groomsmen, just us, and we haven’t the slightest clue who will officiate. It will be a handfasting ceremony with heartfelt vows and nothing religious but very spiritual, seeing as ours is a very spiritual connection and we are both fond of many traditions. Gus will be there, romping around. My uncle and my future mother-in-law will be our photographers— I like the idea of different people having different roles. It will be about 50-100 people, just family and friends. Oh and we’re going to look dapper as fuck. We don’t know exactly what we’ll wear yet, but it’ll be some classy combination of lace and denim and leather and cowboy boots. And I’m pretty sure I’ll be making Gus a denim bow-tie. I might have some flowers, hopefully dahlias or lilacs, but I also want to just put a couple cacti and succulents around, ones that we will later have in our home.

I couldn’t be more thrilled to be planning a very non-wedding marriage ceremony, to feel the stress and expenses slide away as we plan it all, and to marry the absolute love of my life. I can’t believe that in 9 months, this person will be my spouse… or, as I like to say it, my wusband and hife. I can’t wait to do life together with them, even more than we’re already doing it. 

Thank you so much for asking!!! <3 <3 <3

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Anonymous said: do you think your depression living at home had anything to do with your sexuality?

Hello, little grey-faced anon. I get the sense that you may be struggling, and I’m not sure how to help you or what you want to hear. I’m not even sure exactly what you mean or why you’re asking, but yes, I was in what is called an invalidating environment. I wasn’t allowed to be who I was, to go where I wanted, to make my own choices. The choices I was supposed to make were clear to me: wholesome activities, academia, religious endeavors, nothing “deviant”. A sexuality other than straight was just not an option. This obviously caused (1) depression, or what I like to define as: the withering of my soul in an environment where it was not nurtured or given room to flourish (ie: “yes, we love and accept you no matter what”, “yes, you are smart and beautiful and kind”, “yes, you can love whoever you love and it will be beautiful”) and (2) sexual repression, including the repression of my natural desires to express and receive affection and pleasure, as well as any variant gender identity or sexual orientation. I can tell you now, living outside of the home for the past 4 years, that I have flourished. I do not consider myself to be depressed anymore (thanks to moving and a shit ton of therapy), and I feel fully comfortable with my gender, sexuality, relationships, and how I express all three of those things. So yes, I absolutely think my depression from childhood and through high school had a lot to do with my sexuality and why it took so long to spring up out of me. 

Whoever you are, I can tell that you know a fair bit about me, I can tell that you are trying to figure things out, and I want to encourage you that, as cliche as it sounds, it does get better. It gets a hell of a lot better, more than you could ever dream. I’m marrying the love of my life in 9 months, and none of that would have been possible if I hadn’t broken away from what I knew and found out that life didn’t have to be the way I had been told. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, because I wouldn’t trade this person for anything, ever. No level of security, no fear of coming out, no reputation tarnishing, no comments from my mother, nothing, nothing, nothing. There is a lot to fear, I know. But there is so much more to be excited about.

I don’t know what your intention was, where you are, or if I went on a tangent that has nothing to do with anything, but all this has been on my heart lately, so there it is. Take it or leave it. I wish you well, and my ask is always open.

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Sometimes I forget that I’m engaged and then I’m like, “oh, yes, that is a thing that is happening.” I am so excited to marry you.

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lookdifferentmtv:

Good Look panelist and Girl Code’s Nessa shares how she’s experienced microaggressions. Read what she had to say and tell us what you’ve heard. 
I used to always hear, “Oh wow, you went to UC Berkeley on a scholarship? What sport did you play?”
 No, I didn’t get there playing sports, I worked my butt off and got there on a full ride academic scholarship. I was always offended because the assumption was that all minorities got a scholarship to UC Berkeley through sports.  
My way of dealing with these types of microaggresssions were to correct whomever was saying it to me and kindly explain how I got the scholarship - through hard work. I had to take a step back and realize they were unintentionally putting me down. 
I learned it was best to approach them by not giving them attitude but instead teaching them what was right so they wouldn’t make that mistake again. I think that’s the most important part in dealing with these [microaggressions]; you have to help people understand that microaggressions are wrong and how to learn from them. -Nessa
Want more advice on dealing with bias? Go here!  

lookdifferentmtv:

Good Look panelist and Girl Code’s Nessa shares how she’s experienced microaggressions. Read what she had to say and tell us what you’ve heard. 

I used to always hear, “Oh wow, you went to UC Berkeley on a scholarship? What sport did you play?”

 No, I didn’t get there playing sports, I worked my butt off and got there on a full ride academic scholarship. I was always offended because the assumption was that all minorities got a scholarship to UC Berkeley through sports.  

My way of dealing with these types of microaggresssions were to correct whomever was saying it to me and kindly explain how I got the scholarship - through hard work. I had to take a step back and realize they were unintentionally putting me down.

I learned it was best to approach them by not giving them attitude but instead teaching them what was right so they wouldn’t make that mistake again. I think that’s the most important part in dealing with these [microaggressions]; you have to help people understand that microaggressions are wrong and how to learn from them. -Nessa

Want more advice on dealing with bias? Go here!  

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someday my pain will m a r k you. harness your blame, walk through with the wild wolves around you.

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